#<- last time tagging merc in a lewis post…

[iamred-iamyellow]

the last it’s hammer time lew. the last get in there lewis. i can’t fucking take this

[astonmartinii]

knives out | lewis hamilton social media au

pairing: lewis hamilton x rosberg!reader

2016 saw the murder of brocedes right before our very eyes, but who got y/n in the will?

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

- part of the brother's best friend series -

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, maxverstappen1 and 751,209 others

tagged: nicorosberg

yourusername: back in barcelona! nothing has ever happened here, right? RIGHT?

view all comments

user1: when i'm in a victim of brocedes contest and y/n rosberg turns up

user2: nico was like "oh, lewis has had a good qualifying... here comes the curse"

user3: he's the hater we should all aspire to be

nicorosberg: barcelona is a beautiful place but you should pick your company well!

yourusername: great advice nico, i should've left you at home

nicorosberg: snore! i'm great company you just can't keep up with my great personality and wit

yourusername: what ever you need to tell yourself old man

nicorosberg: i'm two years older than you?

yourusername: how was the industrial revolution?

user4: i hope they never grow up and always argue in public

user5: omg the argument on sky about lewis v seb in canada... and jenson just stood there with the biggest shit-eating grin ever

lewishamilton: my trauma is not your joke

yourusername: it was my trauma too i was the one who had to listen to him complain for the next TWO WEEKS

lewishamilton: trying to find where i care...

yourusername: you complained first ??

lewishamilton: rightly so!

yourusername: do not tussle with me about this, by now i thought you'd know that us rosbergs don't play about complaining

lewishamilton: believe me my therapist knows that

user6: i know nico sat on his hands forcing himself not to comment back

user7: alternatively, celebrating that he still lives in lewis' head

lewishamilton

liked by georgerussell63, charles_leclerc and 2,305,899 others

tagged: yourusername

lewishamilton: @yourusername i may love you but if that man ever takes a picture of my car i'm putting a hit on his head

view all comments

user11: we got a relationship reveal and a death threat all in one post

user12: lewis saw yall ready to make a brocedes edit using this race and made sure you knew that he doesn't care about a his old haunts

user13: he was like yall shipping me with the wrong rosberg

yourusername: let's refrain from threats for now

lewishamilton: we're gonna have to get rid of that last name, no more curses

nicorosberg: RIGHT THAT IS IT IF YOU DARE GET MARRIED DOUBLE-BARRELLED OR ELSE, ROSBERGS ARE ELITE AND YOU WISH YOU HAD THIS NAME

yourusername: he does have a point

lewishamilton: i'm for real going to lose my mind that we haven't spoken in years and this is where he drew the line

nicorosberg: you told the world you're dating my sister at the same time as me

lewishamilton: stop cursing me then 🤨

nicorosberg: i don't curse you my devilish good looks just sent your engine into cardiac arrest

user14: i know toto wolff just fell to his knees in the mercedes garage seeing them bicker in instagram comments after making merc a literal warzone for years

user15: and yet this is the most brocedes way to go about it

georgerussell63: even if you're dating his sister, i'm still your favourite teammate right?

yourusername: valterri exists buddy soz

georgerussell63: *clutches my pearls*

lewishamilton: and that is exactly why valterri is my favourite teammate

georgerussell63: whatever 💁🏻‍♀️

charles_leclerc: not for long xx

yourusername: whoever can bring me the best coffee can get the crown?

lewishamilton: stop exploiting my teammate and future teammate

yourusername: that's what they're there for?

yourusername

liked by nicorosberg, maxverstappen1 and 823,087 others

tagged: lewishamilton

yourusername: anything happen this week?

view all comments

user19: y/n ruining her brother's week - anything happen this week?

user20: more like year

nicorosberg: more like life

yourusername: drama queen

nicorosberg: as i should be !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yourusername: got enough exclamation marks in there buddy

nicorosberg: no open the door i need to scream directly in your ears

yourusername: if it's any consolation, the relationship started after 2016

nicorosberg: so he got me out of the way so he could go for my little sister 🤨

lewishamilton: yep!

nicorosberg: no i'm serious let me in i need to yell

nicorosberg: I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE I CAN HEAR ROSCOE

nicorosberg: fine i'll just abseil from my apartment give me a sec

user21: y/n please let him in he's so serious about that i can feel it

user22: anyone from monaco here and want to keep us updated?

danielricciardo: Y/N LET HIM IN HE NEARLY KICKED MY POTTED PLANT OFF THE BALCONY

yourusername: lol

danielricciardo: THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER PLEASE

lewishamilton: fine, you people are such bores

nicorosberg: i nearly lost a birkenstock

yourusername: and my inheritance nearly doubled

lewishamilton: *our

user23: i think lewis is having way too much fun with this

nicorosberg

liked by lewishamilton, jensonbutton and 692,889 others

tagged: yourusername

nicorosberg: we're back at the track and i've got a sneaking feeling that the red bull might be fast around here

view all comments

user24: nico said babe won't catch me posting lewis on my instagram

maxverstappen1: sure thing buddy he's dating your sister, but there's NO NEED TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME

nicorosberg: i said you're going to win?

maxverstappen1: i DON'T NEED YOUR BAD JUJU GIVE IT TO LEWIS HE'S THE ONE YOU'RE ANGRY AT NOT ME

nicorosberg: i'm not angry at lewis

lewishamilton: really?

nicorosberg: OF COURSE NOT

yourusername: he'll get over it soon lewis don't worry

lewishamilton: really? he's still holding a grudge from 2016 - that was EIGHT YEARS AGO

yourusername: yeah sorry that's a rosberg trait ❤️

user25: not the grid becoming victims of the brocedes fall out eight years later

yourusername: you're so shady why did you crop lewis out?

nicorosberg: outfit wasn't on par with the rosbergs

yourusername: oh no

lewishamilton: HOW DARE YOU

yourusername: you queens can take this out on each other i'm not getting involved in this one

lewishamilton: i know this birkenstock wearing primadonna is not dissing my custom mcqueen

nicorosberg: it's custom because no one would want something so ugly 🫶🏻

user26: someone take nico off the parc ferme interviews lewis might just run him over

user27: he should just let roscoe at his ankles

nicorosberg: that vegan dog can't do shit to me

yourusername: leave the kids out of it nico

nicorosberg: you birthed that? my condolences to your reproductive system

lewishamilton: DO NOT FAT SHAME MY SON

roscoelovescoco: kill yourself @nicorosberg

user28: WTF IS GOING ON

lewishamilton

liked by georgerussell63, kimiantonelli and 2,844,599 others

tagged: yourusername

lewishamilton: he may have won the battle, but i won the war

view all comments

user29: bro you're going to be subjected to boho chic Christmases for the rest of your life

user30: guy is going to get poisoned via christmas nut roast by nico 😭

yourusername: this is corny but i love you

lewishamilton: i love you too i'm going to pretend you didn't just call my super thought out caption corny

yourusername: it was corny and that's what i love about you

nicorosberg: you need better standards

yourusername: for someone who had so much homoerotic tension with the man that you retired you're being very rude about the subject of such tension

nicorosberg: that's not how that went

yourusername: sure, jan

nicorosberg: stop trying to rewrite history

yourusername: i saw it with my own two eyes... are you jealous that i ended up with lewis instead of you?

nicorosberg: nO

user31: i feel like this is definitely not the argument i thought i would see on the internet today

user32: lewis hamilton got passed around the rosberg house ... this your goat?

user33: both rosbergs are hawt as hell so yes!

charles_leclerc: oh great, keep stoking the flames lewis! if you invoke his wrath upon ferrari next season i will personally sacrifice you to the gods

lewishamilton: excuse me?

charles_leclerc: i don't know if you know this but i kinda don't have a world championship yet ... I DO NOT WANT THE ROSBERG CURSE ATTACHED TO ME

lewishamilton: do not minimise my trauma charles

charles_leclerc: you haven't joined ferrari yet, you don't know trauma. be nice to him, i can't finish my career with max having more championships than me

maxverstappen1: skill issue

user34: do these people ever stop arguing?

yourusername: no! and i can assure you it's worse in person

user35: worst brocedes tussle since nico found out?

yourusername: i was making a list of people to invite to my birthday dinner and nico was angry that i wrote lewis' name before his

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 1,304,277 others

tagged: lewishamilton, nicorosberg

yourusername: still a victim of the brocedes nuclear fallout all these years later

view all comments

user37: bro nearly lost her bf to her brother

user38: lewis couldn't have nico and went for his sister instead

user39: insert larry stylinson theory here that y/n is just the beard and toto wolff is simon cowell

yourusername: i'm blocking all of you

nicorosberg: still yapping about this ... and i'm the dramatic one

yourusername: babe we can all see all of your comments on previous posts where you're the literal definition of crashing out

nicorosberg: BARCELONA WAS LEWIS' FAULT WE ALL KNOW THIS

yourusername: when did i bring up barcelona... you just proved my point IDIOT

nicorosberg: make me sound insane all you want ... TOTO IS THE REAL VILLAIN HERE

yourusername: ???

nicorosberg: he notebooked us

yourusername: riiiiiiiiiiight

nicorosberg: i wrote lewis a letter when i retired and toto never gave it to him

yourusername: you're telling me i had to hide my relationship for so long because you trusted that austrian big foot fraud to be your messenger pigeon ?

user40: did we just get insane brocedes lore on a random tuesday?

user41: you're telling me it was toto's fault the whole time?

lewishamilton: well yes it would've been helpful to have gotten the letter, you have to admit the sneeking around was hot

yourusername: you're right 🤭🤭🤭

lewishamilton: hiding in your bathroom while nico came over to bitch about me was a personal highlight

nicorosberg: excuse me?

lewishamilton: i know we're trying to be better, so here's a compliment: you're very creative when being mean about me

nicorosberg: why thank you 😝

yourusername: nuh uh we ain't doing this shit

lewishamilton: don't worry y/n you'll always be my favourite

nicorosberg: but you'll never have our trip to greece :P

yourusername: i will strangle you britney

user42: y/n got brocedes to talk again, but at what cost?

lewishamilton

liked by nicorosberg, charles_leclerc and 4,677,309 others

tagged: yourusername

lewishamilton: got y/n's hand in marriage in the will (after i murdered her brother's career)

view all comments

user43: y/n can't escape brocedes even on her engagement post

user44: she (and them) will never get rid of it

yourusername: i love you baby, here's to the rest of our life (even if that includes you arguing with my brother for the rest of time)

lewishamilton: i love you even more, i'd go through all of that psychological warfare again and again if it means i still end up with you

yourusername: we've always had an invisible string

lewishamilton: and there's no one else i'd want to be cosmically tied to <3

user45: i might cry they're so cute

user46: that comment thread called me single in about 100 different languages

charles_leclerc: congratulations you two! also congratulations to me - no more rosberg curse!

yourusername: really? on this POST?

charles_leclerc: hold on girlypop, it was mr hamilton-rosberg that brought up your brother first not me

lewishamilton: you better get all this attitude out now charles

charles_leclerc: what? you gonna marry my brother?

yourusername: lol i'm not threatened by them

arthurleclerc: why am i being shaded?

user47: 2025 HURRY THE FUCK UP

nicorosberg: i guess you're finally getting the rosberg name you've always wanted ...

lewishamilton: yes... i have always had a crush on your sister

nicorosberg: GASP! PERVERT 🫵🏻 i have known you since we were 12 you GROSS MAN

lewishamilton: WELL YES I WAS ALSO 12 I'VE NOT ALWAYS BEEN 36 MORON

yourusername: well doesn't this just get me excited for christmas

user48: i know a monopoly board hate to see these three coming

yourusername: @nicorosberg can i have an actual congratulations???

nicorosberg: i'm happy for you, i'm glad you're happy (also he's loaded so slay)

yourusername: i'll take it!

lewishamilton: sure whatever thanks nico !

fin.

note: lol finally finished this one! i have been very in and out on here, i have a lot going on x

[onlyangel4]

healing a heart i didn't break. LH44. MV1. SMAU. part two.

cheater! lewis hamilton x reader. max verstappen x reader.

when your boyfriend of three years fumbles, his rival is there to put the pieces of your heart back together bit by bit.

warnings: 14 year age gap with lewis. cursing. cheating. super super angsty.

author's note: this is still building up the angst the proper max fluff will be next. for context reader and lewis broke up eight weeks before the austin gp.

part one // part three

faceclaim: camilla morrone

f1wags

liked by user12, f1fan22, user 45 and 12,382 others

f1wags: y/n y/ln and alexandra saint mleux pictured on a dog walk out near y/n's childhood home. this is the first time y/n has been pictured in a week following the revelation that lewis hamilton had been cheating on her with y/exbff. no one knows how long they have been cheating but sources seem to think it did not start last weekend and has actually been going on longer. we hope that y/n is okay.

view all 439 comments

user12: oh how i would love to hear the goss

user45: alex looked angry in some of the other pictures. i just know y/n is sitting on business

f1fan22: alex flying out to see her is true friendship y/exbff could never.

y/ninsta

liked by maxverstappen, alexandrasaintmleux, charlesleclerc and 680,928 others

y/ninsta: i'll be okay. i've got my girl.

tagged alexandrasaintmleux

view all 9,720 comments

alexandrasaintmleux: my love, i am honestly amazed how strong you have been the past three weeks. i wish to be half the woman that you are.

y/ninsta: i would not have been this strong without you and charles alex. i love you both, thank you for taking me in before i found my new place.

y/nfan: lewis cheated on her with her best friend and took the house and roscoe (WHO THEY BROUGHT WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER) all y/n got was her husky lilo and a broken heart. I HATE MEN

charlesleclerc: i took this photo

y/ninsta: yes charles you did. well done

user37: y/n is gentle parenting charles omg

maxverstappen: hope you have been okay y/n, been thinking of you recently, missing you around the paddock.

liked by y/ninsta

user17: omg even max in on her side

f1wags

liked by f1fan43, user48, y/nlover and 34,589 others

f1wags: y/n is in her revenge dress era. the ex wag has arrived at the austin gp. she came in and watched fp1 and fp2 with charles and alex and is in the ferrari garage. we here at f1wags are so happy to see her back in the paddock. also lewis and the other girl have arrived but i don't want to post about that.

view all 8,183 comments

y/nlover: what a serve

f1fan43: THE OTHER GIRL even wag pages hate y/exbff

user48: lewis hamilton found screaming, crying, throwing up in the merc garage

user21: did you guys see max. he saw y/n walk in he stopped what he was doing jogged over to her and they had like a proper long conversation.

f1updates

liked by hamiltonupdates, f1fan, user23 and 34,5672 others

f1updates: a story in two pictures.

picture one: lewis and y/n were photographed arguing behind the mercedes motorhome. y/exbff was also there. the video shows them talking to y/n and then y/n running off crying.

picture two: a shaky video captures the moment max watched y/n run off crying and he jogged after her. she said something to him and then he pulled her into a hug while she sobbed on his shoulder. he led her inside but when she pulled away from the hug max's white shirt was almost see through. y/n is obviously going through it. we are left wondering what lewis and y/exbff told her.

view all 7,625 comments

f1fan: oh thank god for max, she looked so lost. looking around for someone to help her while paparazzi started calling her name when she was fucking sobbing.

hamiltonupdates: i am really questioning lewis rn

user23: y/n would not have gone to talk to him about just anything. this has to be big.

y/exbff

liked by lewishamilton, friendone, friendtwo and 342,837 others

y/exbff: sixteen weeks ago we made what we thought was a massive mistake that we vowed to never talk about but eight weeks ago we discovered it was the best thing ever to happen to us. baby coming march next year,

comments for this post have been disabled

taglist: @sinofwriting @toldyouitwasamelodrama @formulaal

@minkyungseokie @shrbehndwn @gr1mes-cc @nichmeddar

@liberty-barnes

[stepintothelimelight]

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ DON’T STOP ME NOW!

┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　° I’m a racing car,

passing by

like lady godiva ✧ ⁺ ┊

PART 1 of the Spitfire Saga

TRAILER: Spitfire makes her F1 debut and changes the world of F1 forever

(2017!grid x genz!fem!reader)(SMAU)

For more Spitfire content go to my account and it’s my pinned post since tumblr hates me and won’t let me link anything :)

WARNINGS: not a lot lol language?, suggestive stuff but in a bad way, sexism, that one picture of max 💀, for me, spitfire is american, so there will be references to american things (I’m american)

fc: random girls (mostly drivers) i found in pinterest + valtteri bottas

Aaaaannnnd ACTION!

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

twitter

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yourusername just shared a story!

Caption: [AP calc ❌ abu dhabi ☑️]

Replies:

charles_leclerc: Congrats, Mate! Just heard the good news! yourusername: jelly? charles_leclerc: I try to be nice and this is what I get ☹️ yourusername: liked a message

max33verstappen: Can’t wait to see you on the track yourusername: aww 😚 yourusername: only took me 3 years to catch up with you maxie 😁😁 max33verstappen: Good luck trying to catch me in the track, Schat. yourusername: 😠😠

user4: no one wants you here

user5: Give the seat to Schumacher. He deserves it 53847822 more times than you do.

yourbestfriend1: Take me with youuuuuu 😭 yourbestfriend1: I don’t want to deal with mr Henry alone 😞 yourusername: bro i would if i could but merc literally kidnapped me out of calc 😒 dw tho i still have to do henry’s work just in a plane ☹️ yourbestfriend1: liked a message

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yourusername just shared a story!

Caption: [first time in a f1 car kinda nervy]

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mercedesamgf1 ☑️

Welcome to the paddock, Y/n!

tagged: yourusername

liked by yourusername, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and 238809 others

view 6389 comments:

yourusername: awww thanks admin ❤️

user6: Schumacher better

user7: def gonna crash out in FP1

carlossainz55: ¡bienvenida Spitfire!

⮑ user18: the fact that everyone calls her Spitfire 🥲

user9: poser

⮑ user8: how is she a poser? She earned her place just like any other alternate would

⮑user9: she obviously sleeps her way to the top

⮑ user8: SHE IS BARELY 18!

user10: All y’all honestly hating on a teenage girl right now 🤡🤡

⮑ user11: literally it’s pathetic

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twitter:

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yourusername

yourusername: POLE POSITYOSN!!!

ps sorry 4 swearing on the radio 😔

pps i didn’t just catch you max, i beat you 😇xx

tagged: mercedsamgf1, max33verstappen

liked by lewishamilton, f1 and 63729 others

view 16738 comments:

user19: icon

user20: proved them all wrong!

⮑user21: not like she won a race 🙄🙄

⮑user20: not like you could do any better 🙄🙄

user24: my homegirl really did max dirty

user25: Absolutely VIOLATED Verstappen

user54: how does she have that picture?

⮑ user55: her and max are childhood friends. they were karting rivals

⮑ user56: she, him and Charles were the big 3 of their age division

⮑ user54: isn’t she younger than them, though?

⮑user55: she raced 2 years up

lewishamilton: An honor to be on the track with you! History in the making 💪🏾

⮑ yourusername: 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 LEWIS ON MY POST LEWIS ON MY POST 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

⮑charles_leclerc; Chèrie, you’re embarrassing me

⮑yourusername: u don’t need my help to do that 👍

user22: her and Charles HELP

max33verstappen: was that last picture necessary?

⮑ yourusername: very.

user23: her and Max HELP

pierregasly: Great to race with you again!

♡ by creator

danielricciardo: amazing driving, Spitfire! (and thank you for the blackmail 🙏🙏)

⮑yourusername: happy to help

⮑max33verstappen: 👎

landonorris: glad to see one of the ‘99s making a mark around here ❤️

⮑yourusername: awwwww lan 😗 come to f1

⮑landonorris: i lost my pass ☹️

⮑yourusername: again? ☹️

user24: Y/n and Lando 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨?

⮑yourusername: OH HEYLLLLL NAWWE

⮑landonorris: EEWWWW

⮑user24: what the hell 😭

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yourbestfriend1 just shared a story!

Caption: [literally sobbing @/yourusername] ▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

f1 ☑️

f1: WINNER! 

Y/n L/n becomes the first woman to win a formula one grand prix! She also becomes the youngest ever Grand Prix winner at 18 years, 37 days and the first driver to win on their debut race since 1961! 

Congratulations, yourusername, in the words of @lewishamilton: “history in the making.”

tagged: yourusername, mercedesamgf1 

liked by max33verstappen, taylorswift and 63738 others

Congratulations, yourusername, in the words of @lewishamilton: “history in the making.”

tagged: yourusername, Mercedesamgf1 

view 8367 comments

mercedesamgf1: THAT’S OUR GIRL!!!!!!

⮑ user25: Y/n seat when??

⮑yourusername: yeah, when??? 😇😇😇 (joking pls don’t fire me xoxo)

user26: Y/n in the comments begging for a job is so relatable

user27: rigged

user28: Obviously a PR stubt

⮑user29: How? She outpaced everyone in Qualifying and held pole for the whole race

⮑user28: last race of the season, they need some new fans, so they bring in a woman and tell everyone to drive slower to get more traffic. It’s not rocket science 

⮑user30: the only rocket science is how on earth you got to that conclusion

scuderiaferrari: a historic race! @/yourusername

yourusername: Thank you @/f1 and @/mercedesamgf1 for this incredible opportunity. History was made tonight ❤️❤️❤️

⮑user31: damn right it was

yourusername: ALSO DID WE SEE THAT TAYLOR SWIFT LIKED THE POST???? @taylorswift ILYSM!!! TIWWCHNT IS LITERALLY MY HYPE SONG!!!!

⮑user32: ofc she’s a swiftie

⮑yourusername: what is that supposed to mean?? being a swiftie is the only way to live ??? how can you breathe without listening to reputation on repeat????

⮑ user33: TIWWCHNT STANS UNITE

⮑ taylorswift: @/yourusername: congrats on the win! Here’s to you, an inspiration to all of us women fighting our ways into men’s worlds! 🥂🍾

⮑yourusername: OH MY GODDDDDDD

⮑user34: is she still breathing?

⮑maxverstappen33: no

         ⮑danielricciardo: no

         ⮑mercedesamgf1: no

         ⮑charles_leclerc: no

         ⮑carlossainz55: no

         ⮑lewishamilton: no

         ⮑f1: no

         ⮑user35: is @/user34 still breathing?

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yourusername

yourusername: WHAT A WEEKEND!!

Mercedes!! tysm for trusting me in your car and i hope that i did you proud!!! this week has been a dream 🤍

Valtteri: I know that my win tonight is due to your misfortune, and I’m sorry we will never get to race together on the track. I hope I did you proud.

Seb, to whom I’m dedicating my maiden win to. Without you, I would be no where. your never ending support and willingness to help are the reasons i’ve been able to race as long as i have. you named me spitfire all the way back in f4 and now that nickname will live in the legendd of the sport forever.

History was made tonight, and even if this is the last race i ever drive in a formula 1 car, i’ll rest easier knowing that my win in abu dhabi 2017 will inspire the next generation of female athletes in motorsport.

Thank you to everyone who came out to support Mercedes tonight!

xx Spitfire

tagged: lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1, valtteribottas and f1

liked by mercedesamgf1, lewis hamilton and 380278 others 

view 279491 comments

user36: say what you want about her, what she accomplished tonight is legendary

lewishamilton: Congratulations! Looking forward to seeing you around the track next year!

⮑user37: around, not on 😔

⮑user38: Everyone join hands in prayer that Lewis doesn’t know anything about Bottas’ seat being filled and is just being nice

⮑user39: 🤝

⮑user40:🤝

⮑user41:🤝

⮑user42: 🤝

⮑yourusername: 🤝

⮑user38: GDJEIWOSK she’s so unserious 😂😂

⮑yourusername: ❤️❤️❤️

estebanocon: Amazing race, Y/n!

♡ by creator

user49: YOU DON’T BELONG HERE

charles_leclerc: great to see you finally live out your dream, mate ❤️🍾

⮑yourusername: luv ya charlie 🥂

⮑user43: CHARY/N CONFIRMED??

⮑ yourusername: 😬😑🤨

⮑ user44: Y/n really out in the trenches fighting every romance rumor

max33verstappen: I let you win…

⮑yourusername: Lying is a sin, Max Emilian Verstappen.

⮑ user45: dayumm the full government name too

⮑user46: and proper punctuation!!! max lock your doors 😰

⮑max33verstappen: Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me tonight?

⮑ yourusername: because something bad is going to happen to you tonight.

⮑user47: Max getting threatened on main 😂😂

danielricciardo: Great race and even better weekend! Fun getting to know you, Spitfire!

♡ by creator

user60: Anyone see the way she was crying when she got out of the car? Couldn’t even walk, so emotional. Pathetic.

⮑user61: Ome of the many reasons women aren’t supposed to race in F1

serenawilliams: love seeing a strong woman! Keep up the good work, Y/n! 🏆

⮑yourusername: i gasped

⮑yourusername: the 🐐 is here

user51: PR stunt.

user52: Ruining F1

⮑ user53: She’s turning F1 into a joke

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yourusername just shared a story!

caption: [otw home 😴😴]

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twitter

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2.5 weeks later….

mercedesamgf1

Proud to announce that we have signed a new driver to fill Valtteri Bottas’ seat! Please officially welcome Y/n L/n to the paddock!

tagged: yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, valtteribottas and 573011 others

view 8739 comments

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✧ ⁺ ⁺ don’t wanna stop

at all…┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　°

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Aaaannnnnnd scene!

DIRECTOR’S CUT: hehe part 1 done! Sorry for any innacuracies and/ or mistakes. Turns out making these SMAUs is A LOT of work. Like a boatload of work. Anyway, see u in part 2!

A little background info:

Seb is Spitfire’s mentor and funded her career since 2009

Charles Max and Spitfire terrorized their Karting generation

Seb gave her the nickname- in German F4 she was well known to be very blunt and had a very fast mouth. Seb called her it over live TV once and it stuck

Lando and Spitfire are old friends since they were always a little different from the rest of the kids - she was a girl and he looked like a toddler

Want to join the taglist? drop a comment below or message my inbox

[midwestgp]

F1 Tag Game

tag some people you'd like to get to know better! ↳ thank you for the tags @gr63wdc and @jamesvowles

who is your favorite driver? probably lewis, I've been with him the longest

do you have other favorite drivers? I close my eyes and think about logie, george, alex and oscar pretty often

who is your least favorite driver? flopciardo and I am not on good terms with mr sainz jr and mr kmag

do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well? rooting for teams is weird for me. I am interested in the teams, but only vaguely.

if you like teams, what team do you pull for? I am actively interested in williams and merc

how long have you been into f1? late 2021. I started learning about it after the season ended (which is probably a good thing).

what got you into f1? my brother's classmates from europe showed it to him and then he showed me. though it took me a long time to truly become invested

do you enjoy fanfic/rpf? I love fic though I probably won't make content rpf-wise myself. this goes for any fandom I've ever been in.

how do you view new fans? I am the new fan. I didn't start thinking about f1 in a fandom way until last fall.

if you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why? I know how to save williams but its a secret ill never tell.

are your friends and family into F1 as well? my brother and a few of my irls watch it very closely. sadly none of these people live near me anymore sighhhhhh

are you open to talking to other fans/making friends? absolutely

I am new to posts like these so I will tag @raewritesf1 and @osaka-lilac no pressure though :D

[mcgnussen]

just saw your tags on your last post on kevin’s fantastic overtake and it reminded me of a question i’ve actually been meaning to ask for some time now: if you could choose a top team for kevin, which one would you pick?

when i first thought of this question i had the ‘big three’ in mind (rbr, merc, ferrari) but now that aston martin’s made big strides, i guess they could be included too (or even another team entirely if you so choose)! i honestly struggled to come up with the best fit for kevin (merc being extremely corporate, ferrari having what appears to be a constant political upheaval, rbr laser-focusing on max, etc.) but i figured that you’d have some insight on the matter! curious to hear what you think :)

sorry for the late answer but i've actually been thinking about it for the last few days because it's a very interesting question!

k-mag has a bit of history with all three top teams actually. toto offered him a mercedes seat in a different racing back in 2015 i believe (i cannot for the life of me remember what racing series but it's in his book), red bull offered him the toro rosso seat for the 2019 season and apparently they were considering him instead of checo for 2021, and kevin obviously has a lot of contacts within ferrari due to haas, but he also was in their simulator in 2018 when leclerc had a horrid start in formula 1. i don't really see kevin at aston martin, it just feels wrong lmao, so i'll exclude them in this thought experiment.

most likely team?

for me the least likely would be mercedes. i have nothing against them, but like you said then there is quite a corporate feeling, and i don't think kevin would fit in very well. the mercedes seat would be due to lewis retiring and i think george and kevin would be a dangerous mix if i'm honest. toto has said some good things about k-mag, but i think he also sees kevin as a bit of a loose canon, so i don't see him offering kevin a seat even if toto knows that kevin would be able to deliver some good results.

then next is red bull. once again i'm unsure how wise it is to pair max verstappen with kevin. they would be extremely competitive as a duo and imo k-mag would fit in quite well at red bull. he's very much a no-bullshit person and helmut marko appears to be physically unable to mince words. i also think his reputation as a very fast and aggressive driver who is not afraid to battle anyone is something red bull would like. but driving style wise then i actually think max and kevin are very similar and i'm not sure you can have two such drivers in the same team. i actually don't think k-mag would mind being the second driver for a season or two at red bull. he would have the chance to get some poles, wins and podiums and showcase his talent to other top teams. as long as him and max start the season on equal terms, he would live with it if max does get the upper hand and then will eventually be favoured over k-mag. kevin has also proven himself to be quite the team player after returning to f1. he's very much thinking of the team above himself, so i don't think red bull and kevin are a bad match if checo needs to be replaced, but it would definitely be a bit of a gamble. if max and kevin can keep it clean on the track then i actually think they'd make a great duo. k-mag is a super calm person (despite what some people seem to believe), haas even says that sometimes he is too calm, and i think that might work well with verstappen's temper during the races.

the most likely top team for kevin would be ferrari. kevin is actually pretty involved with a lot of the people at ferrari, he has also had fred vasseur as a team principal back in the day and fred wanted to keep him in the seat at renault (however i don't think they were the bestest of friends...). the only problem with ferrari is that i think they are unlikely to get rid of any of their drivers anytime soon. sainz and leclerc are getting on well. while sainz does not have the same winning performances that leclerc does, he is pretty consistent. while charles' performances can swing a bit, we saw the best of him last season and it's clear that he is world champion potential and he's also a product of their academy. i actually think kevin would navigate ferrari politics quite well and i think ferrari needs someone like him. i love charles with all my heart, but he's too hard on himself and not hard enough on the team, and i think kevin would be the one to help keep ferrari accountable for their failures.

where would i like to see him?

i actually do not know! i don't see kevin in the mercedes, he will not fit in and he's just not a mercedes kind of driver. but i could see him as a red bull or a ferrari driver. i think he would fit in well enough on both teams. he would have an easier time at ferrari due to knowing the people working there already. ferrari is definitely a warzone rn, so if you wanted me to pick his seat for the next season, i'd have to go with red bull even if that might be a controversial take. but i think kevin would be good for ferrari. they need someone like kimi back, someone who is just straightforward, tells the team what he wants and is not afraid to call them out on their bullshit. and he would perform well against either sainz or leclerc (although i think him replacing sainz would be the most likely scenario). but at the same, i think kevin would do great things in that red bull and he'd take the fight to max and red bull would have one of the most aggressive and fearless duos on their hands in f1 history. we would definitely get race wins with kevin in that car - and the possibility of a world championship even if max would be favoured by red bull. i also think this seat will be open before a seat at ferrari opens up. not because checo is performing badly, but just because over an entire season then max is clear of him, and also it is obvious that things are not good between max and checo. and red bull will always choose max over checo.

so long story short, if you asked me to pick a seat for kevin today then i'd go with red bull, but i think ferrari is more likely. if either sainz or leclerc would be unable to drive for the rest of the season, i think kevin would be one of top candidates for that seat. they will not put shwartzman or italian jesus in it. i think kevin's main competitors would be norris, albon and hulkenberg. i think norris is locked into mclaren until his contract is up. hulkenberg's age and race performance thus far is against him and he has less of a history with ferrari than kevin. and i personally think kevin is a better driver than alex. i love alex and i have great respect for him, but i just don't think he can pull out those impossible outstanding performances that kevin is capable of. and i also think alex is too nice like charles. ferrari needs someone to put them straight and i think fred vasseur would agree with that.

[dear-ao3]

spain. or, spain without the s if you are a driver from spain. hello and welcome everyone to the first triple header of the season, and the 1111th formula 1 grand prix. today is june 26, 2024 and lets jump in.

on account of the fact that this is in fact a triple header, we will once again be speed running because if i get behind it is game over for everyone, especially me.

-jumping straight in, in terms of contract news this week we have had none, though there continues to be speculations. so, carlos has still not announced where he is going next year. but he has said that he wants to. during thursdays press conference he said "i dont want to wait any longer, its time to make a decision." thought he did also say that he hasn't figured out where he still wants to and hes still brainstorming with his team about it.

-remember, he also has claimed that every team with an open seat (which would be haas, alpine, sauber, williams, mercedes, rb and maybe even aston) has offered him a contract, but he has accepted none, likely because there isn't one single contract that is giving him everything that he wants in terms of years, money, sponsors, the actual car, etc etc.

-kevin magnussen did sort of throw carlos under the bus a little, saying that he is the "cork in the bottle" of driver contracts right now. it seems like everyone else is waiting for him to make a move before they announce anything themselves, so hence why its been decently dead contract wise this week. kevin did also hint that he might be leaving at the end of the season, but that he doesnt really want to.

-there are rumors that logan has signed with the prema indy car team

-so while there hasn't been contract drama, there definitely has been other drama

-mostly at mercedes?

-merc started the week off strong by getting an anonymous whistle blower email sent to them (at least, to my understanding) that basically said that the team had been purposefully sabotaging lewis's car and pretty much accused george russell of sleeping with toto

-mercedes took this pretty seriously, they denied everything in the email and have reportedly gotten the police involved and are tracing the ip address and all that

-lewis responded as well throwing his support behind george, saying "i think we need support, not negativity. i wasnt aware that george was experiencing negativity. george does nothing but his best every single weekend, and hes developing with the team. so he cant be faulted at all."

-people are also speculating that mercedes got a new instagram admin or just social media admin. if you'll remember, last week they forgot about lewis's sprint podium in china and also merc fans have pointed out that most of the social media posts have been about george since the beginning of the year

-well. mercedes started the week of strong with a post of their best spain moments and most of them were of lewis (because hes been with the team longer) but! the photo dump also included a photo of one valtteri bottas (previous mercedes driver, george russell took his seat in 2022) and one nico rosberg. they also tagged nico. i really couldnt tell you the last time the merc account posted a picture of nico but it definitely wasnt recently

-in case you need a refresher on nico rosberg, he was the 2016 world champion. he beat lewis hamilton in equal machinery that year and then immediately retired after winning the championship. he and lewis were childhood friends, but their friendship (brocedes) did not survive their three year fight for the world championship.

-hilariously, the 2016 spanish gp happened to be one of the climaxes of the brocedes divorce. this is because the two of them crashed into eachother on lap one here. its kind of contested as to whos fault it was but they definitely crashed (this also ended up being max verstappens first win, it was also his first race with red bull)

-reportedly (as in according to nico) toto made them sign a contract after this saying that if they crashed into eahcother again the two of them would have to pay for the damage. also aparently the wrecked side pods are still on display at the merc hq.

-anyway by far the funniest thing to come of this was nico making and editing this video himself, years later, on his youtube channel about the spanish gp track:

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-what does this have to do with anything? well nothing really other than that its important f1 lore

-also. lewis hamilton ran a love is love helmet at least during practice and qualifying this weekend. it was in a slightly more yellow shade of yellow than his usual helmet. it happened though to be pretty much the exact same shade of yellow that nico's helmet used to be (before he changed it to black to cut down on weight)

-and where was nico rosberg during this weekend? well he wasnt in the paddock, ill tell you that. we'll reveal where he was later

-moving away from mercedes, lando was also being a menace (and a pickpocket) as per usual

-lando and oscar also showed up in the most confusing outfits known to mankind. what the fuck was the weather? no one knows not even them

-oscar also posted pictures and a video of him absolutely failing at playing paddle. probably proving alex and logan correct that he sucks

-lando collected a hat and sunglasses during a fan stage that fans made for him and absolutely slayed the moment

-lando also continued with the calling oscar strange nicknames by calling him "osco"

-stake as usual had some bonkers ass social media posts. here's one of them

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-there was massive discussion about the growing prices of race tickets at silverstone (england) which is aparently not yet sold out this year. lewis said that "the prices needed to be reevaluated or something similar, i cant exactly find the quote. "we have to watch ticket prices. i think theyre continuing to rise and the cost of living nowadays, i think its too high. im just thinking from the perspective of a fan that would come with a family. its hugely expensive." they also asked max if he thought red bull dominance was causing people to not buy tickets and he said "i dont think its my fault. the current f1 season is very exciting with multiple teams fighting for wind recently. if a promoter cannot cover all the seats, maybe they need to first look a themselves and see what they are doing wrong. in other places they are managing to fill the stands quite easily."

-haas is involved in a court case with their previous sponsor uralkali. this was the sponsor that they dropped at the beginning of 2022 after it couldnt be proven that they weren't funding the Ukrainian war on the side of the russians. aparently haas owes them money

-david coulthard made fun of logans parking job

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-charles was one of the olympic torchbearers in monaco

-charles also said in a video for ferrari that yes, he did adopt oscar. oscar did not attempt to get adopted by any drivers for the spanish gp.

-and entirely unrelated but danica patrick, one of the sky sports announcers that is generally disliked because among other reasons, she is against women being in motorsports despite the fact that she herself is an ex driver and champion, posted a video on her YouTube channel about the existence of lizard people

-moving on to actual racing

-logan sargeant finally had all the same parts on his car as alex albon, however whether or not those parts worked the same was debated

-vcarb brought an update. this would prove to be a flop.

-f1 tested this graphic

-lance stroll said that adrian newey should go to aston, the newey to ferrari rumors still persist

-and, most interestingly, flavio briatore is back

-who is flavio? well

-if you remember several updates ago i talked about the 2008 singapore grand prix, which was infamous for many reasons but the main one being that Renault and specifically briatore (who was the team principal at the time) were found guilty of race fixing

-essentially, fernando alonso, one of the Renault drivers, had qualified around i think p15 and pitted on lap 14. right after that briatore instructed his other driver, nelson piquet jr, to crash on purpose. this caused a safety car that benefitted fernando immensely because all the other teams pitted and he stayed out cause he was already on fresher tires

-this is also where Filipe massa had an unsafe release from the ferrari pit because the gas hose was still attached to his car, this later would cost him the world champion title and he sued this year over this very race

-this was all discovered because in 2009 piquet jr got fired by renault for underperforming mid season and made a statement to the fia about what had happened at the 2008 singapore race, which sparked an investigation which revealed that briatore had in fact fixed the race bu asking piquet jr to crash. piquet jr agreed because he was in pretty intense contract talks with briatore and wanted to keep his seat

-anyway, all this resulted in briatore getting a life ban from f1, which as later reduced to 15 years. those 15 years are now up. and he was back in the alpine garage this weekend. in ter est ing

-with all that. practice.

-ollie bearman raced in practice 1 for haas. i didnt watch it but i think he did fine. were still waiting on his haas contract to be announced cause it seems very likely.

-charles and lance both committed some war crimes in fp3. charles pretty much boinked into lando and i think that lance impeded someone. cant remember who. its not in my notes for some reason. either way, both only got off with warnings, no penalties. later on, karun said that charles was "as angry as a mosquito in a mannequin store" after getting impeded during practice. he also called i believe it was lando a "fucker" over the radio.

-before qualifying there was a disaster in the mclaren garage in the form of a fire. everyone was fine but lando did come out of the garage in only his no show socks

-lando said that before qualifying he ended up taking over zak browns office instead of his own drivers room because of the fire and said that many people offered to let him into their motorhomes instead

-qualifying was tight. there was a seven way battle for pole: max, charles, carlos, lando, oscar, george and lewis. that's right, mercedes still seemed to have their shit together and was battling it out at the front. and ferrari seemed to have put their shit back together after their disappointing canada race. checo had a three place grid penalty from the crash in canada, so he was out of the pole running.

-qualifying in spain is very important because of the 33 races that there have been here, 24 have been won from pole and 30 have been won from the front row.

-and from q1 qualifying was certainly tight. yuki, who ended up out in p16, was only .8 off of pole. and he was out in q1.

-also out was magnussen, ricciardo, albon and sargeant. williams were expecting to to badly tough, vcarb was not because they had brought an upgrade (which clearly flopped. lets remember that danny rics qualified p5 in canada)

-logan also impeded lance, charging his battery while on the racing line. he got a three place grid penalty, and was already starting 20th so he sarted....20th.

-q2 went about the same. it was tight. verstappen, hamilton, norris, russell and sainz all ended within .2 of eachother.

-out in q2 was alonso, bottas, hulkenberg, stroll and zhou. this was actually zhou's first time getting into q2 in a race qualifying.

-which left us with verstappen, perez, sainz, lecelrc, norris, piastri, hamilton, russell and *checks notes* gasly and ocon ??? in q3??? hello alpine what are you doing here???

-alpine aparently though, clearly, had gotten their shit at least slightly together.

-this was where they started to say that the mclaren was faster than the red bull. but not if max verstappen had anything to say about it.

-with two minutes left in qualifying, these were the times:

-max verstappen was on provisional pole with a 1:11.673. lando norris was 0.123 behind him in p2, then lewis hamilton 0.143 behind him in p3. george russell was next in p4, 0.167 seconds behind lewis, and sainz was 0.242 behind george in p5. charles was 0.226 behind carlos in p6, pierre was 1.180 seconds behind charles in p7, ocon was 1.372 seconds behind pierre in p8, checo was 1.388 seconds behind esteban in p9. and oscar was in p10 with no lap time set because his had been deleted.

-everyone had one more, blistering lap. and boy did it shake things up.

-lando was able to find more time and overtook max for pole position! the second of his career! he got pole by 2 hundredths of a second!

-the standings were:

-lando with a 1:11.383 -max +.020 -lewis +.318 -george +.320 -charles +.348 -carlos +.353 -pierre +.474 -checo +.678 -eseteban +.742 -oscar, no time set for track limits again

-and so we had a lando pole, a max p2 and a lewis p3

-strangely, lando was not really super pleased seemingly about the fact that he was on pole?? and he and max had a regular gossip session right after while they were still taking their helmets off

-this was, by the way, the first time mclaren had started on pole in spain since kimi raikkonen in 2005, which was on ollie bearmans literal and actual birthday

-in his post interview lando said that he did "pretty much a perfect lap....my best pole position.....i havent had many" (hes had one)

-max was asked how he feels now that hes not getting "easy poles" and he said "they were never easy poles, its always a battle with yourself, but now there are more teams (battling) which is good for f1" nobody wants the max verstappen dominance to end more than max verstappen lol

-and lewis! was back! he said, predictably "im really happy....its down to everyone back at the factory" and he ALSO said "george did a great job today as well" absolutely quashing the lover boy rumors

-in the press conference lewis, first of all had time to change before the press conference and second told everyone that he had "missed this sofa" he also took a selfie with lando and max while lando was mid sentence

-and the race.

-oh boy the race

-"dont blink for the next 66 laps ladies and gentlemen" crofty said. and crofty was correct because george russell stormed down the front at the start, knocking everyone's socks off and taking the lead from p4!

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-this really bongled things for our friends max and lando who had been fighting eachother and thus, loosing time. this would come back to haunt them, especially lando, later

-george's lead though was short lived because max was within DRS of him, giving him an extra 18kph of speed and over his radio, gp told him "this might be our best opportunity" and before lap three was over max was back in front of george and by lap 4 he was already 1 second ahead of george, and thus, out of drs range

-it was shaping up for a very sexy canada two, electric boogaloo between max, lando, and the two mercedes

-menawhile, the ferraris were doing what ferraris do best. fighting.

-the two of them touched briefly when carlos was passing charles around the outside. charles took this as carlos leaving the track and gaining an advantage and they fought about it over the radio

-"ah, he closed on me, carlos" charles said

-"he touched me, we collided and he pushed me off. he touched my rear right so i was clearly ahead" carlos said

-the two of them really ripped into eachother about this post race in the media pen, with charles saying "i understand its his home race ...so i guess he wanted to do something spectacular but i was probably not the right person to do that with." apparently he also said that they were supposed to save their tires but carlos didnt and overtook him and kind of screwed over the strategy. and carlos said "too many times after the race he complains about something"

-but thats neither here nor there

-by lap 8 the top 6 were all separated by 5.5 seconds. the undercut on this track is insane and almost two seconds. so it was a game of Who Will Pit First. which was about to be a fun game cause they were all on soft tires.

-someone who was not in the top 6 was fernando alonso. and he was "having a pretty miserable time so far" because he was about to get undercut by kevin magnussen. rather disappointing for him at his home race.

-also having a miserable time was nico hulkenberg, who was down in 11th. "he rather likes an 11th place finish" crofty said. "which is just disappointing."

-also disappointing was whatever mclaren was doing. lando and george were running third and fourth. lando could have undercut george. george could have undercut lando. but neither of them pitted. checo pitted though, for another set of soft tires. which was also interesting.

-lando even had a fake out radio saying that they were going to pit him to get george to pit. and it worked. george had a bad pit stop (5.3 seconds in the pit box) on lap 16 and ended ip coming out right behind carlos sainz, further down the order

-meanwhile, Kevin magnussen got a time penalty for a false start. no one was surprised.

-but george was stuck battling carlos now to work his way back up the order, and had lost whatever benefit a new set of tires was going to give him. this was great news for both lando and lewis.

-lewis pitted on lap 17 and had a much smoother pit stop, only 2.3 seconds in the box and he came out in 9th, immediately passing fernando alonso for 8th

-max also pitted on lap 18, and had 1.9 seconds in the box, tying red bulls fastest pit time for the season so far, he came out fourth

-lando was back in the lead, but he was on old soft tires.

-on lap 19 the top 10 were lando, charles, oscar, max, george, carlos, lewis, Fernando, pierre and esteban, though the top three still needed to pit

-lewis was battling with carlos for 6th and after almost touching him, he was able to pass him on lap 20

-"he touched me!" carlos yelled over the radio, loudly expressing his opinion that lewis gained an advantage and should let him by

-lewis did not give him the place back. he also got fastest lap.

-meanwhile, lando was still not pitting, he was trying to go long to beat max in terms of tire age. a one stop was definitely not ideal, but he could be trying for it.

-"any news?" carlos asked on lap 22 about lewis giving him the position back. there was no news. the stewards ruled it as no further action "i dont know why there is rule book if we do not follow it" carlos said, frustrated

-lando was still out on his old soft tires. oscar had already pitted and he was the last mclaren standing on his softs. max was only lapping .6 faster than he was, and he was on brand new tires. the mclaren was the fastest car on track, but red bull had max

-lando finally pitted on lap 23, 2.3 seconds in the pit box, and he came out in 6th. he had extended 6 laps longer than max had, hoping that this would give him an advantage in the end. should this happen, he would be overtaking max for the win at the very end and would need to pit again for softs to do so. he was presently 11.5 seconds behind max

-lando was determined. he set the fastest lap on lap 26 and by lap 27 the gap to max was down to 9 seconds. he was also lapping faster than max

-max also was having problems with his tires "the tires are very inconsistent!" he complained

-while all that was happening, lewis hamilton was holding his own. though mercedes was not really working as a team. on lap 31 george was running in second, and lewis was 1.2 seconds behind him. lando was coming up on lewis. crofty speculated live on air why didnt george just drop back a tad to give lewis the DRS to stay ahead of lando?? but alas, mercedes didnt do that. lewis was overtaken by lando on lap 32

-by lap 36, lando and george were in an overtake battle for second. lando ended up winning the battle. crofty wanted to call it the old switcheroo, but he didnt want to upset people

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-george ended up pitting the lap after, for hards. which was weird and interesting because pretty much no one was on hards. and this turned out to be a bad idea all around

-"this tire does not feel good," george said, predictably on lap 43. "im sliding around already"

-this was great information for all the other teams to Not put their drivers on hards, including sir lewis hamilton, who went onto softs at his pit stop on lap 44. it was at this moment that everyone realized that the mercedes strategy was probably going to favor lewis

-checo, meanwhile, continued to baffle everyone with what was aparently a 3 stop, very far down the order and definitely not helping max at all

-the second round of pit stops had thus begun. max was called in on lap 43 for a set of softs, and was in the pit box for 2.8seconds. he came out third

-lando was 11.7 seconds ahead on the track and said that he was faster than lewis behind him. the team asked him if he wanted to pit. he said "im unsure, are we here to finish first or third?"

-still, they pitted him on lap 48 and it was a slow 3.6 second stop. he needed to come out ahead of lewis in 5th and george in 4th to have any shot at victory. he came out ahead of george just barely. he had 8 seconds to max

-so it was lap 49. max was in the lead, 7.7 seconds ahead of lando who was 1.7 ahead of george who was 0.691 ahead of lewis who was 3.4 seconds ahead of carlos who was 7.4 seconds ahead of charles who was 7.61 seconds ahead of checo who was 4.991 seconds ahead of oscar who was 5.980 seconds ahead of pierre

-meanwhile, nico hulkenberg got a penalty for speeding in the pit lane, lando was pushing hard and not saving his tires, lewis hamilton had DRS on george with no team orders to stay behind him, and yuki also got a 5 second penalty for speeding in the pit lane

-charles also decided to pass carlos for fifth on lap 55.

-lap 58 and lando was now 5 seconds behind max. but he was running out of tires.

-the announcers decided that this would be a good time to talk about driver of the day, who was shaping up to be lando. "what do they get for driver of the day? a hat or something?" crofty asked "love and adoration" karun said. unless of course you are lando norris, he got a trophy made for him by oscar, and he promptly broke it

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-alex albon, who i definitely didnt forget about, he just wasnt doing anything interesting, ran off the track and into the gravel on lap 61. he was displeased

-"what the hell was that?" he asked. "all ok from our side" his engineer said. "no," alex said. "dont say that." cars should not just randomly drive off the track

-up way back at the front, lando had indeed run out of tires and did not have enough to pass max on the last lap. there would be no last lap lando. had he had a better start though, he would have absolutely gotten max

-so they crossed the line: max, lando, lewis, george, charles, carlos, oscar, checo, pierre, esteban, nico, fernando, zhou, lance, danny rics, valtteri, kevin, alex, yuki and logan

-lando was understandably upset. he knew that he had bongled the start and had he not bongled the start he would have won. he was so upset in fact that he did not do his signature champagne pop on the podium.

-max though was pleased with his win because he had to fight for it.

-"what's two seconds between friends?" david coulthard asked him "well its the difference between first and second"

-but the man that we were all here for, was sir lewis hamilton

-"and finally, ladies and gnetlemen welcome back to the podium lewis hamilton!" david said

-lewis was beyond pleased

-george even came over and congratulated him

-are merc really sabotaging lewis's car? idk you tell me!

-they tried to give lewis the wrong trophy on the podium

-and then he got absolutely soaked with champage by max and lando

-while all of that was happening, bottas had a front row seat to whatever absolute ferrari drama was happening in the pit lane

-it was not unlike the time in 2018 (??) when max nearly punched ocon in the garage after he fucked up his race

-in the post race show will and jack doohan talked about a lot of things, but mostly alpine because alpine scored double points this weekend, insanely. and also managed to pull ahead of haas in the champion standings

-will buxton told jack, the alpine reserve driver "im not being rude, but you were nowhere" at the beginning of the year and highlighted jack's work on the sim, and even hinted about him getting a seat for 2025

-he also posted this on his instagram story after the race

-both esteban and pierre were teased with the results, especially because alpine was aparently the fourth fastest car

-fernando alonso was totally and wholly unbothered. he was wearing sunglasses and scootering around, not a single flying fuck to be given to anyone anywhere

-also notably, two weekends in a row, mclaren has had the fastest car and two weekends in a row, max has won. will and others attributed this to the fact that the mclaren team often ask lando his opinion in the car and maybe they shouldn't ask the driver and just go abut their strategy. hm. interesting.

-then we had a smash cut to the press conference. which was essentially "lewis hamilton living his best life at the moment"

-the silliest part of this whole thing though was that lewis managed to get to the cooldown room about five minutes before everyone else, had clearly showered, changed, put on platform loafers, probably done his skincare routine and had time to make tea. "i am going to take a nap" he announced loudly to everyone. and then laid down, put his sunglasses on and blased some bob marley. this was the state that max found him in

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-an absolutely unbothered king. a legend.

-and where, pray tell, was nico rosberg during all of this? cause he was not in spain and he was definitely not commenting on lewis's first podium of the season or his continued record breaking streak of being on the podium in every season he has raced in, which is 18 years

-he was at the eras tour in london with his wife and kids, doing his god given girl dad duties

-idk why he wore a button down shirt, but he did. he also said that:

and

-britney lives on

-oh how the times have changed since spain 2016.

-see you all in austria!

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[its-sir-actually]

I posted 3,437 times in 2021

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#like dont those pictures make you not want to stalk and harass a girl whos probs having a holiday fling with a guy who doesnt know you exist

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

"These two are two of the greatest drivers the sport has ever seen"

Babe, Max isn't even the greatest driver Red Bull has ever seen, pipe down

612 notes • Posted 2021-10-10 11:57:03 GMT

#4

Have I mentioned that I love the AM and Merc admins

Bonus:

659 notes • Posted 2021-10-24 15:15:46 GMT

#3

"And then it cleared because Max was coming"

HELPPPJDSNSLJ I'M SCREAMING

891 notes • Posted 2021-11-20 18:46:11 GMT

#2

The way Lando and his friends talk about women on stream is disgusting and inherently misogynistic. They talk about women as if they are possessions and objects for sexual gratification and it is not ok.

If you want an example of something he has said, just last night he and Max implied that if you listen to a woman talk, even though it's boring, then you'll get a reward (sex)...and I shouldn't have to tell you how wrong that is. That is the type of thinking that gets multiple women attacked by male friends who feel they "deserve" sexual gratification for listening to their problems and engaging with them.

And that's the type of shit they're saying confidently ON STREAM, I don't even want to imagine what they say privately. Also, that is unfortunately not even the worst thing he has said on stream about women.

And before you all start, it's not "boys being boys". I'm not overexaggerating or being sensitive. It doesn't matter if it was just meant to be a joke. They are grown men, they should know that's not ok to say.

Lando stans, it's time to step your pussies up. Lando isn't an innocent little baby, you need to start calling him out when he does questionable shit like this. I'm not asking you to cancel him. I'm not asking you to hate him. I'm not asking you to not be a fan of his. I'm asking you to demand he does better, to hold him accountable, to educate him.

1034 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 10:57:09 GMT

#1

Dad mode: activated ✅

1259 notes • Posted 2021-09-12 10:25:19 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[dresupi]

Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins

Pairing:  Darcy Lewis/Wade Wilson For:  @georgiagirlagain Prompt:  “I’m a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins.” Word Count:  1033 Rating:  T

[Read it on Ao3]

Check out the [25 Days of Darcyland Masterlist] for more holiday themed fics!  I’m posting one a day until December 25!

Darcy wasn't exactly sure what happened and in what sequence.  All she knew was that one minute, she was taking a nice, well-deserved shower and the next, her bathroom contained one more person and they were legit trying to hide under her vanity.  

A flash of red and black clued her in on the who.  Not that it really surprised her.  They had an open door policy, she and Deadpool. Of course, it was a relatively new policy and she'd kind of been hoping that the first door he'd open would be her bedroom door, but that was splitting hairs.

"Wade… for the love of Thor…"  Darcy peeked out of the shower curtain.  "What the actual fuck, dude?  Please don't tell me you're hiding from an assassin in here.  Because that puts me in danger, bro."  

"Don't call me bro…" he whined.  "It makes me feel like an asshole… like I watch Rick & Morty for fun and tell people on Reddit how smart I am."

"Are you hiding from an assassin in my bathroom?"  

"Since you previously told me not to tell you if I was hiding from an assassin in your bathroom... no?"  

"Is someone going to come in here guns-a-blazin'? Because dude, I've had enough blazing guns for one week, I just wanna sit down and relax.  Maybe make some cookies later."  

"Okay.  You don't have to worry about blazing guns.  It's Clint who's after me.  Clint and Natasha. Mostly Clint, Natasha got bored because she kept winning."  

Darcy sighed.  "What's the game?"  

"It doesn't really have a name?  It's just… the loser has to wear this ugly sweater with a quote from a very popular, very cheesy, very Will Ferrell holiday film, and I don't want to be the cotton-headed-ninny-muggins again, Darce…"  The last bit was definitely a whine as he rummaged around under her vanity, pushing her tampons and various hair accessories out of the way to see if he could jam himself under there.  

"Is the hide-and-seek based or tag based?"  

"Both.  But if you get tagged, you lose."  

"Right.  So you're already losing because if he finds you, which he will, that's a terrible place to hide, you won't have anywhere to run.  You need a better hiding place."  

There was a thump outside the bathroom and both of them looked towards the door.  She reached for a towel, one of her fluffy, luxurious bath sheets.  Wrapping it around her body, she motioned for Wade to join her in the shower.  "Just come in here… he wouldn't ever expect that you'd be in here."  

Wade paused for a moment, but nodded, stepping into the shower and staying a respectable distance from her as a hand knocked on the door from the outside.  

"Darce?"  Clint called.  "Can I come in?"  

"Clint… hasn't anyone ever told you that it's rude to disturb people in the shower?"  she asked.  

"Yeahhhh, and how many times have you barged in on me to find out where I keep my Pop tarts?"  

"Listen.  I barge because I care.  And you know pop tart shortages are a thing when Thor's in town."  

"Okay, well.  I'm looking for someone.  Mind if I come in there and give a quick look around? I'll stay away from the shower."  

"Fine dude, but I warn you. It's just me. AND there are tampons."  

He scoffed.  "I'm Hawkeye, world-class-archer.  Member of the Avengers.  I ain't afraida no tampons."  

His search was pretty thorough, considering there were maybe two places Wade could be hiding.  Well, three, if you counted in the shower.  

Wade was squatting down on the floor of the shower, arms crossed as he was pelted with backspray from her shower head.  

"Cool, thanks Darce!"  Clint said, rapping twice on the wall.  

He started to leave and Darcy sighed in relief.  

"Oh...uh… Darce?"  

"Yeah?"  

"I put a dry towel on the rack for you, since you've got the other one in there with you."  

Her heart leapt into her throat.  "No, I don't."  

"Yes you do.  I know you wouldn't let Wade in the shower with you if you were completely naked."  

"How did you--"  she started, her eyes closing as she leaned her head against the tile.  "Sorry,  Wade."

The merc with a mouth sighed in exasperation.  "It's fine, Darcy.  You tried. Kind of.  I mean, you did give it up under little to no interrogation.  But I mean… it's cool, babe."  

"Wade.  I have a sweater with your name on it.  You cotton-headed-ninny-muggins," Clint called over the still running water.  

Realizing how ridiculous this was, Darcy turned off the water and shooed Clint out of the bathroom. She opened the curtain, clutching her soaking wet towel around her as Wade stepped out onto the bath mat.  

"You can come over tonight for cookies?" she offered.  "Cotton-headed-ninny-mugginses only."  

"Are you including yourself in that group?" Wade asked, his suit squeaking as he made his way to the door.  

"Definitely.  It's obviously the best group to be in."  

"You're pretty swell, Darcy.  You know that?"  

She shrugged. "I do now."

"Whatever, you knew," he scoffed, pulling his mask all the way off and scratching his head.  "I'm gonna go change, unless soaking wet leather suits are a kink of yours…?"  

She shrugged.  "I could get on board with that."  

"But can you get on board with hideously ugly sweaters featuring catchphrases from movies that are over ten years old?"  

She waggled her eyebrows.  "Depends on what else you're wearing."  

"It'll be that sweater and only that sweater, I will be bedecked and bedazzled for your holiday entertainment/pleasure/frivolity."  

"Sounds perfect.  Consider my door and my legs unlocked for your use."  

He smirked.  "I feel like I should warn you.  It lights up."  

"The sweater, or your dick?"  

"If I said both, what would you do?"  

Darcy purred, winking seductively.  

"I will be here with bells on, Lewis.  Oh, and the sweater has bells.  And I'm wearing it the whole time we're fooling around, it's gonna sound like an elf is getting plowed all across your bedroom."  

"Jingle all the way," she countered.  

"Oh my lanta…" He clutched his chest.  "Bad sex puns.  Be still my heart…"  

[onlyangel4]

healing a heart i didn't break. LH44. MV1. SMAU. part one.

cheater! lewis hamilton x reader. max verstappen x reader.

when your boyfriend of three years fumbles, his rival is there to put the pieces of your heart back together bit by bit.

warnings: 14 year age gap with lewis. cursing. cheating. mentions of the anniversary of a family member's death.

author's note: in this reader is 25 years old. lewis is a jerk but just for the plot. this first chapter is just the cheating. max will show up in the next chapters.

part two

faceclaim: camilla morrone

y/ninsta

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, lewishamilton, y/bffinsta and 678,901 others

tagged lewishamilton and y/bffinsta

y/ninsta: the best summer break with my favourite people

view all 19,028 comments

alexandrasaintmleux: looking forward to seeing you all in the netherlands

y/ninsta: i can't wait to see you alex !

lewishamilton: i think this was the best summer break out of them all

y/ninsta: we keep bettering ourselves every single year

y/bffinsta: thank you for letting me tag along

y/ninsta: wdym he was obviously third wheeling us

user 12: i love the friendship between lewis, y/n and y/bff it is so wholesome

lewishamilton posted a story tagging y/ninsta

written: last beach day with y/n before back to work

y/ninsta posted a story

written: back at it

y/ninsta

liked by lewishamilton, carmenmundt, y/bffinsta and 560,982 others

written: forever the proudest girlfriend. last slide is me and y/bff hardly working while my boyfriend secures p2.

tagged lewishamilton and y/bffinsta

view all 12,348 comments

lewishamilton: the luckiest of lucky charms

y/ninsta: that was all skill baby

y/bffinsta: we do our best

y/ninsta: that we do

carmenmundt: gonna miss you in the merc garage next week honey

user19: i'm new to the y/n fandom. how come she won't be there next week.

y/nfan: her father died on the 31st of august five years ago. she has a family tradition to go home and let go of balloons, so she is never at the race that week.

y/bffinsta posted a story

y/ninsta replied to your story: i didn't know you were going

y/bffinsta: yeah lew had a paddock ticket reserved and as you are busy he gave to me

y/ninsta: oh. have a good time, wish him good luck from me

y/ninsta

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmundt, max verstappen and 320,982 others

y/ninsta: oh dad, i have a love hate relationship with day. i love it because i get to sit down with everyone and talk about my favourite memories of you. but i hate it because it reminds me that you are really gone. i hope you are proud of me and the woman that i have become. i know you are looking down on us.

view all 6,902 comments

carmenmundt: thinking of you darling

y/ninsta: thank you carmen

mercedesamgf1: we love you y/n

y/ninsta: i love you admin

alexandrasaintmleux: forever in my thoughts

user32: guys wtf is going on. every year y/n posts a similar thing and lewis and y/bff are always the first people to like and comment on it. this has been up all day and all the other wags have liked it and even max fucking verstappen has but not a peep from y/bff or lewis. something is going on.

user12: shit open twitter

f1updates

liked by user23, f1fan12, user22 and 120,987 others

f1updates: the internet is in shambles after pictures of lewis hamilton and y/bff were posted by papparazzi. y/bff is best friends with lewis' long term girlfriend y/n. y/n was not in italy this weekend as she was at home honoring her late father. admin doesn't tend to like to take sides but this is awful behaviour from lewis and y/bff and we hope that y/n is okay.

view all 22,398 comments

user23: this is awful. y/n is grieving her father and her two favourite people betray her.

f1fan12: lewis hamilton i am in your walls

user22: there is no innocent explanation to this. this is cheating.

y/ninsta posted a close friends story

written: and they both blocked me with no explanation. like i'm in the wrong

alexandrasaintmleux replied to your story: where are you

y/ninsta: my childhood home

alexandrasaintmleux: i'm coming